101 Virtues to apply to your life, Number Forty-five

 Let’s explore the book of virtues that George Washington copied at 14 and followed throughout his life. These virtues are based on Aristotle's writings but have been enhanced over the centuries. We can translate them into modern language and find practical ways to apply them.

Number Forty-five

Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or private; presently, or at some other time in what terms to do it and in reproving show no sign of cholar but do it with all sweetness and mildness.

This virtue is about offering advice or correction to someone thoughtfully and respectfully. In modern terms, it means thinking carefully about how, when, and where to give feedback or point out someone’s mistakes. The idea is to do it in a kind and constructive way, not angry or harsh, so the other person feels supported rather than attacked.

Here’s how you could apply it practically today:

Choose the Right Setting

 If you need to give someone feedback, consider whether it’s better done privately (like a one-on-one chat) or publicly (like in a group setting). For example, if a coworker messes up a project, pulling them aside for a quiet conversation is usually kinder than calling them out in a team meeting.

Timing Matters

 Don’t rush to correct someone the second you notice something. Wait for a moment when they’re open to hearing it. If your friend’s upset after a tough day, maybe hold off critiquing their choices until they’re calmer.

Watch Your Tone

 Speak with patience and empathy, not frustration. Instead of saying, “You totally screwed this up,” try, “Hey, I noticed this could’ve gone differently. Can I help you figure it out?” Keeping it gentle makes a big difference.

Stay Calm

 Even if you’re annoyed, don’t let it show. If your roommate keeps leaving dishes in the sink, instead of snapping, you could say, “I’d really appreciate it if we could keep the sink clear; what do you think?”

In short, it’s about being intentional and compassionate with your words. Whether you’re helping a friend improve or addressing a problem, the goal is to lift them up, not tear them down, something that’s just as useful in a text message or a workplace convo as it was centuries ago.